The Great Escape
Submitted by mlichter on 2007, December 5 - 16:42.
There are reasons we caregivers so seldom take vacations.
You might think it's the cost of the trip, which you've likely already spent on necessities for your loved one.
You might think it's the unavailability of time, since who's got time to go away when so much that takes so much of your time has to be done for your loved one.
You might think it's a matter of guilt. How, you think, can you be going somewhere to enjoy yourself when your ailing loved one is stuck at home.
I find all of the above to be true, plus one more thing: PANIC!
How, after all, can things go smoothly in my absence? It's not possible, after all, that someone can fill my shoes should something go wrong when I'm not available to be there. And, after all, no matter how much I plan before leaving on vacation, there likely will be something I've forgotten to prepare for.
Even so, I'm going on vacation. And it scares the hell out of me.
I've got a professional caregiver in place to stay with my mom. I've been mapping out when to order prescription refills so no drug will be lacking. I've been thinking about when it would be best to set up Mom's meds in four or six week-long dispensers (two or three for morning pills and two or three for evening pills) for the duration of my absence. I've got food-shopping to do to cover the period I'll be gone. And I've got to make sure doctor appointments are conducted before I go or arranged for after I return. And then there's being sure to pay the bills before I go, since we don't want to accrue late fees due to my absence. And I've notified others that I'll be away so that they can be reached in an emergency. Still, I think I've left something out.
It's no wonder I'm going away; just thinking about all this stuff has me exhausted and crazed.
But, you know, I have to go away. No matter how concerned I might be about my not being there for my mom, my being there will make matters worse. Why? Because I know I need a break. And if I don't take one, my temper will be short, my energy will be low, my feelings of depression will rise and my sense of being confined by my obligations will destroy my self-esteem.
I cannot feel captive to caregiving without causing myself harm. And the bottom line is, I need a break. It is okay for me to step back and take a breather, just as each of us should and must. It is time to escape—at least for a little while.