TOGETHERNESS, FAMILY STYLE: Lessons Learned by Sandy
I've learned to be extremely independent. I told my girls, "You have to be able to take care of yourself." So many young people think life will be happy ever after, and then reality sets in. My girls said they learned from us that it is important to marry someone like their parents did, who would be supportive-and they have.
I've learned how important it is to have the support of family and friends. My parents and Tom's helped very much at first, but they have since died. I have three sisters, but they've all got muscular dystrophy, so they're unable to help. I'm the oldest and was spared that, but I guess God had another plan for me.
I try to do a lot of things with friends. Fortunately, I have three very close friends I've known since we were in grade school. They're the ones who organized the benefit for us when we moved. I know I can count on them to help. If the care person doesn't show up, one of my friends will come. Another came over to help me hang curtains the other night. And their husbands built a deck for the new house.
Tom and I go on some MS "getaways," retreats with other couples. You get an idea of what others are going through. I was surprised to find out how many were in counseling. They told me that statistics show when one half of a couple has MS-or any disease that isn't going to get better-80 percent of the marriages end in divorce. But we've learned to work together as a family and to work around each other.
You don't understand why something like this happens, but as time goes by you learn to take what life gives you and go on. People tell me, "You make it look easy." I say, "That's a compliment; but, no, it's not easy." I have good days and bad days. You learn to just put one foot in front of the other.